"Sometimes we hold onto a relationship over who that person could be in the future, rather than accepting who they are in the present."
I've sat across many individuals bargaining with themselves to stay in a dating relationship that is not enriching. They attempt to convince themselves that their significant other will change into the person they pictured them to be. This may sound like:
“...But they've treated me better than my other relationships...”
“...But they have all the qualities I’m looking for... when they're not drinking”
“...I know I’m financially supporting them...but they said they want to go back to school to contribute more...”
Typically, there are two directions that are in our control:
(1) Accept that the person is who they are RIGHT NOW. Accept that they may stay this way and work through adjusting our own expectations of the person--flaws and all. This is often the approach taken in married relationships; excluding abusive circumstances.
(2) Accept that the person is who they are RIGHT NOW, and recognize that you do not accept the relationship moving forward.
Both options typically take time, reflection, and a lot of healing work. Both paths also involve accepting the person is who they are RIGHT NOW. Holding onto an idealized vision of who your significant other can be is a hefty bargain, considering we, as the other person in the relationship, have no control in that matter. When we can learn to accept what is, in the here and now, only then can we experience peace in a relationship.
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